Evil Dread/Transcript
Intro "Last time on Total Drama: I welcomed the all-stars to the newly decontaminated island." Chris recapped. "Then it was heroes versus villains, diving into shark-infested waters in search of the one key that would unlock the door to the all new McLean Spa Hotel for winners only. Thanks to Scott's cowardly fear of sharks, we learned that inside every robot beats the heart of a Spaniard. In this case, Alejandro, and while Alejandro might not hold the key to Heather's heart anymore, he did hold the key to the spa hotel and victory for the Villainous Vultures! And the Heroic Hamsters bid farewell to Sierra via our newest and most humiliating commode of transportation: the Flush of Shame. Who will be next to pop through the pooper? Find out right now on ... Total ... Drama ... All-Stars!" Opening sequence (Cameras extend from parts around Camp Wawanakwa.) Dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine. You guys are on my mind. (Camera rapidly moves past Chris, in a helicopter, and up a hundred foot cliff. The camera jumps off the cliff and enters the ocean where Scott is being chased by Fang.) You asked me what I wanted to be, and now I think the answer's plain to see. (Fang jumps out of the water, showing Courtney on a raft paddling toward him.) I wanna be famous. I wanna live close to the sun. So pack your bags 'cause I've already won. (The camera zooms in on a totem pole where Duncan is carving a skull that resembles a bunny as Zoey stares at him, causing him to stop and snap his knife. The camera zooms back where Zoey turns to see Mal with a rope, preparing to drop a boulder on Cameron. He quickly turns back to Zoey as Mike and grins.) Everything to prove, nothing in my way. I'll get there one day. 'Cause I want to be famous. (The camera moves to the Mess Hall where Alejandro and Heather are wrestling each other for the McLean Brand Chris Head. Heather knocks Alejandro down and the Chris Head falls into her hands. She laughs while Alejandro scowls at her.) Naaaa-na-na-na-naaaa, na-na-na-na-naaaa, na-na-na-na-na-naaaa! (The camera pans back to reveal the dock where Lightning is staring at his reflection in the water. In the water, Courtney is still chasing Fang, but the raft crashes into Duncan and Gwen’s boat and the latter smiles apologetically as Courtney sinks.) I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous! I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous! (Further in the water, Lindsay is jet-skiing and blowing kisses and Jo, also jet-skiing, shoves her aside when they crash into each other. The camera pans to Boney Island where mutants are chasing Sam and he is mauled by one, sending pieces of his clothes into the air until the day becomes the night.) Whistling. (At the campfire, Scott, bruised, and Courtney lean in to kiss, but Sierra snaps a picture of them on her phone and they flinch back. Camera pans back as the campers, separated with the Heroes on the right and the Villains on the left.) Act I A mosquito buzzed outside the cabin. It entered through a crack in the window, buzzing over Mike as he snored in his sleep. Over him, Cameron grinned widely, a pencil clutched to his notepad. Cameron sat in the outhouse confessional. "Last season, I helped Mike with his Multiple Personality Disorder, but then he got eliminated and it was my fault for telling Scott about his condition. I feel awful, but I have to admit, I missed studying him – err, his personalities. Heh, heh. Back home, all I'm able to study are the danaus – butterflies. I meant butterflies." A grin formed on Mike's face. Cameron began writing excitedly. "Who is it this time? Chester, Svetlana, Vito, or Manitoba?" Mike chuckled in a deeper tone. "One by one, they will all fall." Cameron gulped. "That was weird." The mosquito pricked Sam's neck and sucked up blood. Cameron stammered. "Uh." The mosquito, full with blood, crashed through the window and flew past the Mess Hall. Courtney, Lindsay, and Zoey stood in line as they waited for Chef to finish preparing the food. "So, Courtney, Lindsay, what brought you two back?" Zoey asked. "I want to win the million so I can spend it on a lifetime supply of lip gloss." Lindsay said. "Really?" Courtney asked. "That's what you want to waste the million on? I can't believe Chris considers you an all-star." "Well, what do you want it for?" Lindsay asked. "To pay for law school." Courtney said. "I'm going to become a corporate lawyer." "I think you mentioned that before." Zoey said. "In season three. I've been watching Total Drama for as long as I can remember." "Really?" Courtney stared at Zoey. "You've studied all of us, have you?" "Keep the line moving suckers!" Chef said. "I don't have all day." He threw the food onto the serving trays, smothering Courtney, Lindsay, and Zoey with some of it. "What's wrong with you?!" Courtney asked. "There's your breakfast!" Chef laughed and retreated into the kitchen. Zoey sniffed the food suspiciously. "Is this even food?" "We've got to win the next challenge and get into that Spa Hotel." Courtney said. Inside the Spa Hotel, Scott sat across from Gwen at the dining table. The farm boy glanced around excitedly. "Oh, I am diggin' this. I can't wait to be a millionaire! I got up at 5 a.m. this morning to watch the releasing of the doves and I'm just gonna say it," A waiter placed a stack of pancakes and sausages in front of Scott. "It was beautiful." He blew his nose into the tablecloth. Duncan sat down at the table. "Yeah, this is the life! And if we keep winning challenges, we can live like kings all season!" Scott gulped down the stack of sausages. Duncan raised his glass. "To villainy!" Scott raised his glass and tapped it against Duncan's. Gwen groaned. "Yeah ... villainy." "'Sup with you, doll face?" Duncan asked. "What?" Gwen asked. "Oh, uh, nothing. Just, uh, you know, um, wondering how Lightning's doing on Boney Island." Lightning crouched on a rock, watching the lake. A fish dove out of the water and with a swing of his stick, Lightning struck the fish onto the sand. "Ha-ha! Fish! You've been struck by lightning!" A Stymphalian Canadian Goose dove for the fish, grabbing it in its beak. Lightning grabbed the fish’s tail. "Oh no you don't." The two wrestled for the fish, but Lightning punched the bird. It squawked and flew away. Lightning laughed. "Woo!" Without a second thought, he shoved the fish into his mouth. His stomach gurgled. "Sha-dang! This fishy is swimmin' back upstream." He gagged and ran behind a rock, vomiting. Jo sat at the table. "I don't understand why you're worried. I just hope Lightning doesn't find the invincibility statue. He's already stronger than most of you. If we don't vote him off soon, he'll be too strong for us to beat later." Jo laughed. "Sure I made an agreement with jockstrap, but you just don't let opportunity pass you by. Besides, if I was alone on Boney Island and Lightning was here, he'd be doing the same thing." "So maybe we should do it right away," Scott said. "Throw the next challenge." Duncan raised an eyebrow. "Pffft! And give up all this?" Jo held up the stack of pancakes. "No way!" "I gotta say. That's a weird plan, bro.” Duncan laughed. "I mean, throwing challenges to get your own team voted off? The other team would just destroy you until you're eliminated for being the last one left. Who's stupid enough to try that?" Scott smiled sheepishly. "Right." "If I seemed to recall correctly," Jo smirked. "You sabotaged your own team last season while I carried the Maggots to victory. Watch out for this one, Dud-can." Duncan and Gwen stared at Scott. He grinned innocently. "You better hope Heather and Alejandro don't find out about your stunts." Duncan warned. "I'm sure they'll take it well." Gwen smirked. "Jo's gonna regret bringing that up." Scott said. "I admit it wasn't the best idea, but I'm a farm boy. Sabotaging ourselves and blaming it on others was the only way to get into pappy's good favors." Heather sat on a chair in another room. Nearby, Alejandro, in his underwear, rested on a bed, enjoying a massage on his legs from the masseuse. "Quit hogging the masseuse!" Heather said. Alejandro sighed. "I'm sure her hands are magical, if only I could feel them." "Seriously?" Heather asked. "Your legs are still asleep?" "I don't know if they'll ever wake up!" Alejandro raised his head, revealing strips of wax on his eyebrows. "I was squashed into that robot suit for an entire year which you'd've known, had you ever texted!" "It's not like you ever texted me!" Heather said. "Are you getting your eyebrows waxed? Wow." "They call it manscaping, because it is very manly." Alejandro said. "And I didn't text you because I was trapped in a robot suit!" "Well, whatever." Heather yanked a wax strip off of Alejandro. He screamed, shaking the spa hotel. ''"Puh-lease!" Heather said. "This 'My legs don't work' thing is obviously bogus." She rolled her eyes. "He just wants sympathy. But news flash! I am not falling for him!" Her eyes widened. "It. Not falling for it." "I've never found Heather to be more radiant. Her glossy locks, her perma-frown, the way the hair on her upper lip catches the light when she yells at me. Keep in mind. I was in a robot suit for a year." Alejandro said. Chris spoke over the loudspeakers. "Attention, campers: It's challenge time! Get your heinies down to the beach pronto!" Heather smirked. "Shall I fetch the baby carriage?" She gasped. Alejandro stood on his hands and carried himself out of the room. "Show-off!" Heather shouted. On the beach, the Hamsters and Vultures stood on two circular platforms. Across from them, Chris sat on a raised booth overlooking the beach. Rocks separated the two sides. The Boat of Losers honked its horn, announcing Lightning's return from Boney Island. He twirled from the boat and onto the platform. "Any luck finding the invincibility statue?" Scott asked. "No need." Lightning said. "I am an invincibility statue!" "He is so arrogant!" Alejandro said. "I might understand it if he had this face, but he does not have this face. But, he could be useful, they all could." "Arrogant?!" Lightning asked. "Be fair now, look at me." He flexed. "Sha-yeah!" "Bonjour," Chris said. "Mes campers. Some of you will recall our season three Parisian 'find and build a sculpture' debacle and two of you will recall our barrel-hunting expedition in Drumheller." Alejandro and Heather glanced at each other. "Well, this time, our interns have buried 3-D puzzle pieces labeled with your team logos all over the beach – seven pieces per team. Find all your pieces and assemble them on your platform to recreate one of the landmarks visited on our world tour. First to finish wins." Sam, pale and blood-drained, struggled to walk onto the platform. "Sam?" Lindsay asked. "Are you okay?" Sam groaned. "I'm feeling woozy. Kind-kinda drained a little, a lot. Not sure why." "Since the Villainous Vultures won the first challenge, they get to dig with shovels." Chris said. "Incoming!" From the Boat of Losers, Chef grabbed a handful of shovels and threw them at the Vultures. Heather screamed while Duncan, Alejandro, and Jo grabbed a shovel. A shovel hit Scott in the face. Gwen screamed while Lightning caught a shovel and handed it to her. He reached back and grabbed the last two before they struck him. "Sha-yoink!" "Um, shovel please?!" Heather demanded. "Nuh-uh!" Lightning said. "I need both." He gestured to his left arm. "When this one gets tired," He gestured to his right arm. "I'll use this one!" Gwen flinched as a loud metallic clang was broadcast off-camera. Heather smirked and walked back to her place with a bent shovel. Lightning groaned as a shovel-shaped injury formed on his face. Sam walked toward the edge of the platform. "Hey, where are our shov-" He screamed and fell into the sand. It collapsed, creating a moat around the platform. "And getting on and off your platforms," Chris said. "Will be challenging due to the moats ..." Jo tapped her shovel on the sand, collapsing it. "That are filled with ..." Sam screamed. "Crustaceans!" Chris laughed. "I don't know why, but it gets funnier every time." "No big thing for Light-o-ning!" Lightning hopped off the platform. "Sha-bam!" A wooden plank rose and slammed Lightning into the moat. He screamed as the crustaceans attacked him. Heather, Alejandro, and Scott glanced uneasily while Duncan grinned. "And you might wanna watch out for booby traps in the sand." Chris said. "What are we supposed to dig with?" Mike asked. "Sorry, shovels are for winners only!" Chris laughed. "I guess you'll have to use your hands." He raised a bullhorn. "Your challenge starts ... now!" The bullhorn blared. The Heroic Hamsters, except Sam, immediately huddled together. "We should divide our area into sections and each dig in one." Zoey suggested. "No." Courtney said. "Let's separate the beach into quadrants and each pick a quadrant." "That's exactly what Zoey said." Cameron explained. "Then, good," Courtney said. "We'll use the plan that Zoey and I came up with." Zoey placed her hand in the center of the circle. "Go, team!" Lindsay, Mike, and Cameron followed suit. "Go, team!" Courtney growled and placed her hand in the pile. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, can we start digging now?" She scoffed. "What's with the lovin? Hello?! It’s called 'Total Drama,' not 'Total Friendship.' "Strategy, people!" Jo said. "Stra-te-gy!" Gwen, Duncan, Alejandro, and Scott began digging in the sand while Jo and Heather watched near the ocean. "We should start from one end and dig to the other one in a straight line!" Heather scoffed. "And what if the pieces are all at the far end? Huh?! Huh?! We need two lines that push in towards the center. Right, guys?" Lightning ran past them. "Ain't nobody telling Lightning where to dig! I'm my own man!" He began digging in the water. "Sometimes when my tummy's empty, my mind ain't full. Stupid Boney Island fish." He gagged. Gwen scoffed. "I can't believe Lightning made it to last season's finale. Does he ever sha-shut up?"'' Lightning vomited into the toilet. The Heroes struggled to dig in the sand. Sam groaned as he lay on top of his section. Lindsay glanced over. "Do you need any help?" "I can't feel anything," Sam groaned. "Here, I'll help you,” Lindsay said. "All I'm getting from my section is more sand. Weird, right?" She smiled and began digging in Sam’s section. "Lindsay," Courtney said. "Sam needs to dig his own quadrant! We're losing precious time!" "But, Courtney, Sam's no use in his condition." Zoey said as she dug in the sand. "If Lindsay wants to help, then she should be able to." "Fine," Courtney growled. Nearby, Mike continued to dig in the sand. Cameron observed from afar. "No sign of that weird personality," Cameron said. "But I'm not taking my eyes off Mike for one second. To help him, of course." He dug closer to Mike. Mike chuckled, looking up at him. "Hey, Cam, shouldn't you be digging in your section?" "Quadrant!" Courtney shouted off-camera. "This is my sect – er – quadrant." Cameron said. "I just wanted to dig nearer to you," Mike raised an eyebrow. "I mean, nearer to the beach than the shore, yeah." "Uh, okay, then, pal." Mike said. "Fine!" Heather said. "We'll work in a circular motion toward the center!" Jo said. "No! Start with the corners, then move to the center and zigzag." Gwen sighed while she, Duncan, Alejandro and Scott continued to dig. "Some team." "Exactly!" Heather said. "A team without a leader is like a chicken without a head. It just runs around blind before it drops dead." "Which is why I should be this team's leader." Jo said. "No, I should!" Heather said. "Let's let the team decide." Jo suggested. "Fine!" Heather said. "Lightning!" She whistled. "Come here, Scott!" Jo said. Gwen rolled her eyes and continued to dig. She spotted Duncan moving toward Courtney. "Yo, Courtney, had any luck finding a puzzle piece yet?" Duncan laughed. Courtney narrowed her eyes, but continued to dig. Gwen scowled and walked off. "I give up!" She yelped and tripped over Alejandro. "I hope you know that I appreciate your efforts. You are as wise as your skin is translucent." Alejandro connected his eyes to Gwen's. "I know he's evil, but oof ... those eyes!" Gwen fanned herself. Lightning vomited in the toilet. Scott, Duncan, Alejandro and Gwen stood near the shore while Heather and Lightning stood aside from Jo and them. "Attention, team!" Jo shouted. "I am your leader!" "No, I am!" Heather grinned. "Lightning, perhaps you'd want to hear about Jo's latest plan. She wants us all to eliminate you if we lose tonight." "You did what?!" Lightning yelled. "I thought we'd agree to stay out of each other's way until the teams merged! You're gonna regret this, Jo!" Jo shrugged. "At least I didn't plan on throwing the challenge to eliminate you! Scott was bragging to the dining table about how he sabotaged his own team to get rid of the biggest threats. Didn't you plan on doing the same with short-shorts here, Scott?" "You were planning on doing what?!" Heather shouted. Scott gulped. "That's not true at all! She's lying!" "And why should we trust you, saboteur?" Alejandro asked. Scott frantically looked around. He shoved his shovel into the ground. A thud rang in the air. "I found a piece, that's why!" He dug the piece out of the sand, but Jo knocked him down and picked up the piece. "You'd never would have found it without me!" Jo said. Heather grabbed the piece. "Give it!" The two struggled for the piece, but Heather let go, dropping it on Jo's foot. Jo screamed. "Oops, sorry." Heather mocked. Jo leaned forward and pushed her into the moat. Heather screamed as crustaceans began pinching her. The Villains shrugged and returned to digging. Cameron dug up some sand, uncovering a flashing red button. He frowned uncertainly and pressed it. Dirty clothes exploded in front of him and threw him into the air. Mike wheezed. His hair fell down, covering one side of the face. "Heh, heh, heh. How pain gives me joy." He wheezed and blinked. "Cameron?" Cameron screamed and collapsed onto Mike. Chris laughed. "Ew. Chef's dirty laundry." "Sorry," Cameron got up and held out an arm for Mike. Mike grasped Cameron, but he pulled him down into the stand while he straightened himself. "It's alright. I hardly felt a thing, Cam." Cameron stood, brushing off the sand from his jacket. He cringed as he threw aside a pair of underwear from his face. He gasped. On the sand was a fedora hat. He picked up the hat and walked toward Mike as the latter dug. "Here." Cameron said. "We could use some of Manitoba's treasure hunting skills right about now." He placed the hat on Mike. Mike blinked. Cameron stared at him. "Where's Manitoba?" "I don't know." Mike said. "It's weird. I haven't been able to find him or Svetlana." "What about Chester or Vito?" Cameron asked. "Haven't tried." Mike said. "Then we're gonna need to get you frustrated." Cameron said. "What?" Mike asked. Cameron kicked Mike in the leg. "Ow! What are you doing, Cam?" "Nope, it's still you," Cameron said. "Maybe if we take off your shirt." He began tugging at Mike's collar, straining to pull his shirt off. Mike gripped the sides of the shirt and stood, dropping Cameron to the ground again. "Cam, stop it! Look, maybe you should go back to digging on your side." "But, I want to help you!" Cameron shouted. "Uh, I mean, with your problem. The problem with your personalities. Last season, you couldn't keep them from coming out, but this year, it seems they won't come out. We're gonna need Manitoba's treasure hunting skills if we have a chance at winning this challenge!" "Cameron," Mike said. "I'm more than just my personalities! You would rather have them over me? I thought we were friends." "But, Mike, I am your friend!" Cameron protested. Mike walked off. "You're not acting like one, Cam. I'll find a puzzle piece all on my own and in my own section! I think you should do the same." "Quadrant!" Courtney shouted off-camera. Lindsay unearthed a piece in Sam's section and squealed. "I found one!" "Way to go, Lindsay!" Sam cheered, but screamed as he collapsed into the moat. "Two booby traps, two puzzle pieces and two deliciously evil moats. It's still anyone's game, but it won't be for long, right here ... on ... Total ... Drama ... All-Stars!" Chris said. Act II Chris whispered. "An hour has passed and the teams are still tied at one all. Which raises a pertinent question: WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG?!" "It's hot!" Gwen shouted. "We don't have shovels," Zoey yelled. "There's sand in my shorts," Sam said. "I'm amazing!" Lightning said. The Vultures glared at him. Chef rolled his eyes while Chris leaned back in his chair. "Blah, blah, blah, whine, whine! Hurry up, I have dinner plans!" Cameron made his way toward Mike, but a booby trap sprang underneath him, throwing him onto Scott. Scott growled as he slid through the sand. Cameron gulped and ran off. The farm boy turned and smiled as he saw a piece of the puzzle uncovered by the sand. "All right." "And that's two for the Vultures!" Chris said. Zoey strained to uncover a piece from her section. Mike immediately ran over. "Let me help, Zoey." He tugged on the puzzle piece. "Well, if you insist." Zoey said. A cannon rose from the sand beside Zoey. Mike yelped as he duck to avoid the blast. It struck Courtney in the butt and threw her into the moat. She screamed as crustaceans began to attack her and ran up the moat with crabs in her hair. "Yes!" Gwen cheered as she picked up a piece. "Got one!" "Way to go Gwe-ack!" Duncan said as a wooden plank rose and struck him in the face. "Finally!" Jo reached into a hole and pulled out a puzzle piece. "Ha!" "Lightning to the rescue!" Lightning grabbed the piece. "You don't deserve this, traitor!" "Hey!" Jo said. "Come back here with that!" She chased after Lightning and the two began fighting for the puzzle piece. Heather strode over to Gwen. "Here, Gwen, let me help you with that." She faked a smile and took the piece from Gwen before throwing it onto the platform. "Uh thanks?" Gwen raised an eyebrow and walked back to retrieve her shovel. "Anything for the team!" Heather smiled. "Old Heather got the better of me this time. I couldn't convince the team to choose me as their leader with Lightning interrupting me the whole time!" Jo said. "Well played." "Get out, Jo! I know you're in there!" Lightning's voice rang from outside. "Sha-traitor!" "Check it out, guys." Sam said. "I found," A wooden pole rose from the sand and struck him in the groin. "Another one." "Nuts?" Chris held out a bowl for Chef. Lightning reached into the sand and pulled out another piece. "Ha! Too small for Lightning!" "Come on, Scott!" Jo shouted. "You know Lightning hates the both of us! Together, we could vote him off before he gets the chance to eliminate one of us!" "Maybe you should have thought of that before you convinced everyone I was sabotaging the team!" Scott snapped and walked off. "Friend," Alejandro used his hands to walk up to Jo. "I couldn't help but overhear your struggles. It's no secret that Lightning is a big threat. I would gladly offer any support in voting him off." "Why should I trust you?" Jo asked. "I am the only one you can turn to for help. Heather's already manipulating Gwen with the promise of teamwork." "That still leaves Duncan." Jo reminded. "But you forget," Alejandro said. "Wherever Gwen goes ..." "Duncan follows." Jo said. "You're right." A puzzle piece struck Jo and she fell into the moat. Lightning smirked as he brushed off his hands. "I know they're talking about me. Jo's gonna regret turning against me!" "That's another one!" Zoey tossed a puzzle piece onto the platform. "Having any luck, Mike?" Mike mumbled to himself. "Trying to take my shirt off. Prefers my personalities." "Uh, Mike?" Zoey asked. Mike sighed as he struggled to dig. "It's nothing, Zoey. Cam's just acting weird. I can't seem to access my personalities and he wanted to help in ... uh ... unusual ways." "Well, I'm not Cameron, but maybe I could help you." Zoey said. "Did you ever have trouble accessing your personalities before?" Mike gulped. "Uh, no, first for me. Weird, right?" Mike sighed in the confessional. He hit the roll of toilet paper, causing it to spin. "I'm doing it again! Pushing Zoey away. Now Cam too! Having Multiple Personality Disorder isn't my only secret. But, if I tell Zoey, she'd break up with me! I don't think I'd be able to handle that." He wheezed. His hair fell, covering his eye. He chuckled and rubbed his hands. "But I would." Alejandro laid on the sand, pulling out a puzzle piece. Heather walked past him as his legs twitched. "A-ha! I knew he was faking it!" A crab crawled out from underneath his legs. "Oh." The crab clenched its claws around Alejandro’s foot. He yawned, indifferent to the crab's claws. "Hey," Jo said. "Leggy McLatin, nice accessory!" Alejandro raised a shovel and slammed the crab into the sand. "His legs are really asleep?" Heather said. "Great. Now I feel awful." "It took all I had to hold in that scream ‘til no one was looking." Alejandro said. He glanced around and plugged his head into the hole he dug, screaming. He stood in the confessional and danced. "Cha-cha-cha! Surprise." Scott glanced around, whistling nonchalantly. He looked over to the Heroes’ side where Courtney, Lindsay, Sam, Mike, and Zoey immersed themselves in their digging. He smirked and hopped over to the Heroes' side. "Jo's turned Heather and Alejandro against me. I figured that the only way to get on their good side is by sabotaging the other team instead. Sabotaging the other team. Pretty clever, right? Wonder why no one's ever thought of it." Scott jabbed the shovel on the sand until he heard a thunk. He quickly dug up the puzzle piece and carried it to the Villains' side. The farm boy dug a hole in the sand and hid the piece. "What're you up to Scott?" Jo asked. "Nothing," Scott snickered. "Just hid one of the Heroes' pieces in the sand. Wait till the others find out you were wrong about me." Jo brushed off the top layer of sand. "Nice work. I didn't know you had it in you. But, you know, I swear this looks like one of our pieces." "No it's not!" Scott said. "I took it from the Heroes side!" Jo brushed off more of the sand, revealing the Villainous Vultures' logo on the piece. "You almost had me, farm boy." "What?!" Scott yelled. "That doesn't make any sense!" "I'll tell you what." Jo said, taking the piece. "If we lose, you agree to vote for Lightning and I won't tell anyone. After all, if they found out, then you'd be voted off. Do we have a deal?" "Deal." Scott scowled. "I don't understand. How did one of our team's puzzle pieces get to the Heroes side? It's not like any of them would be willing to sabotage. They're heroes!" Mike rubbed his hands. "Can't resist a little sabotage." He wheezed. "Huh? How'd I get here?" Gwen struggled to dig. She thrust her shovel against the sand. Water exploded, drenching her. Chef and Chris bumped knuckles. "A word, Gwen?" Alejandro asked. "Back off, Alejandro." Heather walked up to him. "Gwen isn't dumb enough to fall for your old tricks. We were all there, remember? On the Jumbo Jet? You played me, you played her, and you played Duncan. You're lucky we don't have a reason to vote you off yet." "I love it when the contestants call back to the past seasons." Chris said. "Calm down, Heather," Gwen said. "Remember, teamwork? Besides, his legs are asleep. It's not like he's a true threat right now." 'Duncan, Gwen, and Heather are all aware of my true nature. No matter what I say or do, they won't hesitate to distrust me. But, the newbies, on the other hand, have never met me personally. Once they succumb to my charm, they become my ticket to the finals. Until then, I have to make sure that Duncan, Gwen, and Heather don't see me as a threat. Unlike ..." Alejandro said. Lightning danced in the sand. "I'm amazing!" "I'm just saying." Jo followed Duncan and Gwen. "We need your votes if we want a sure chance of getting rid of Lightning." "Is there a reason you want him gone so badly?" Gwen asked. "Didn't you pay attention at breakfast? He's too strong on his own. When the merge comes, he'll win all the challenges, and eventually, the million dollars!" Jo said. "We're all here for the money." Duncan said. "Why are you any different from the rest of us?" "Because I'm warning you ahead of time. It would have been nice if you veterans gave a little warning about your pals. Heather and Alejandro – are they trustworthy at all?" "No." Duncan and Gwen said. "Great," Jo said. "So it's settled. We vote Lightning off." "Can we get back to digging now?" Gwen asked. Cameron carried a piece past Lindsay. "Any luck?" "No." Lindsay said. "All I keep finding is more sand. Maybe we should put the puzzle together. I'm amazing at puzzles." "Sure, but how are we gonna get onto the platform?" Cameron asked. Sam groaned as he collapsed next to the moat. "I'm sorry, Steve." Lindsay said as she picked up Cameron and carried him onto the platform. "How many pieces do we have?" "Five." Cameron announced. "We need two more pieces!" "Don't let the Villains know that!" Courtney said. "They're going to start digging twice as hard." "Sha-please!" Lightning scoffed. "We already have seven!" "WHAT?!" Scott, Gwen, Duncan, and Alejandro said. "You didn't think of mentioning this before?!" Heather said. "Get building!" Jo said. "The Villains are on the move!" Zoey said. "Hurry, guys!" She, Mike, and Courtney began digging faster. "Sam, are you okay to dig?" Sam groaned when a beam shot him into the air. He flew and bounced off the Boat of Losers as it sailed by. "When we did our safety test," Chris said. "That boat wasn't there." "As if we test these things!" Chef laughed. "Ow!" Sam shouted. "Jellyfish! It stung my butt! Ow-ow-ow, ow-ow-ow!" He ran past the teams and onto the sand. Scott, Heather, Jo, Alejandro, Duncan, and Lightning laughed. Gwen snickered. Mike attempted to stifle his laughter, but chuckled. "How can you laugh?" Zoey asked. Cameron, Lindsay, and Courtney stared at Sam in worry. Mike's chuckles became laughter. "I don't know. Maybe it's because the only cure for a jellyfish sting is to pee on it!" Sam screamed and dove into the water. The water bubbled, filling the clear blue with a greenish yellow. He rose from the water and sighed. "Ew." Zoey cringed. "Well no one else was gonna pee on me." Sam said. "Huh. That is a weird sentence." "Uh, you know that's just a myth, right?" Courtney said. "It's not actually true!" "Courtney, you're gonna have to take care of Sam's quadrant. I'll take Cameron's and Mike can take Lindsay's. Mike, you know I wouldn't normally ask this of you, but you'd think you can get Manitoba to help?" Zoey said. "What? You think I'm not good enough?" Mike asked. "No, it's not that," Zoey said. "It's just that Manitoba is good at this kind of stuff and you're –" Mike glared. "Even if I could find Manitoba, I wouldn't want to. I'm just as good as any of my personalities. I thought my own girlfriend would know that." He stormed off. "Mike?" Zoey asked. "Did I really just say that?" Mike asked. "Me?! I would never say that to Zoey. There has to be something wrong with me.' "A book, a crown." Cameron listed off the puzzle pieces they had collected. "What the heck are we supposed to be building? Wait, I got it! These pieces make the Statue of Liberty!" Lindsay squealed. Cameron flinched and dropped the piece. ''"I'm not known for my memory, but I definitely remember New York!" Lindsay clapped. "What's not to love about it?" The Villains gathered on the platform. "Come on, people. Put this thing together already!" Heather shouted. "Jeez, could you be anymore bossy?" Jo said. "Hurry up, team!" "Try those two together." Alejandro said. "No, those two." Lightning kissed his muscles. "Lightning reminds everybody that we finished finding the pieces. I'm a hero! It's probably a statue of me bein' me!" "It's tall, whatever it is," Gwen said after the Vultures finished assembling the puzzle. "And boxy, like a tower. Oh, Big Ben!” She turned to Duncan. “From the time we had to solve the Jack the Ripper mystery!" She glanced over at Courtney and gulped. "Oh, yeah, that time." Courtney lifted a piece from her quadrant. "Found one!" She threw the piece onto the platform. Cameron and Lindsay quickly added the piece to the puzzle. "Great! One piece to go! The torch." Zoey announced. "It has to be in Mike's quadrant." "I'm digging as fast as I can!" Mike dug while Sam lay nearby. "Call Manitoba!" Cameron said. "No, I can do this!" Mike said. "Mike, the spa hotel is at stake! Just listen to the nerd!" Courtney shouted. "Uh," Cameron said. "Let us help." Zoey said. “Go, team!" She, Courtney, and Lindsay jumped off the platform. "What's with the big hole?" Heather asked. "Maybe we put it together wrong." Gwen said. "Oh, come on, just get it sha-done!" Lightning pressed a crab into the hole. The puzzle shook and collapsed. "Ugh! Way to go, Liability!" Jo snapped. "Hey, it's not my fault you put it together wrong." Lightning said. "We didn't put it together wrong." Alejandro said. "There are only six pieces, arrogant fool!" "Great!" Jo said. "So Lightning miscounted. Come on, everyone, we've still got digging to do." Scott, Heather, Gwen and Duncan hopped off the platform and began striking holes in the sand. "I counted seven! This is a conspiracy!" Lightning shouted. "The two that Scott found, the one that Gwen found, two that Jo found, one that Alejandro found, and the one that I threw at Jo!" "That's what you threw at me?!" Jo shouted. "It's your own fault!" Lightning said. "You're going to regret what you did, sha-traitor!" "The only thing I regret is actually trying in the first place." Jo glanced at Lightning. "Check the moat, everyone! The moat!" "There!" Duncan pointed. The remaining piece was being held by two crabs. "Great. That's just great, people!" Heather said. Courtney, Lindsay, and Zoey struggled to move Sam out of the way while Mike dug around him. "Move, Sam!" Courtney yelled and threw Sam over. Zoey and Lindsay gasped. Mike pressed his hands into the sand and dug out the torch. "Yes!" "The torch!" Zoey grabbed the puzzle piece and tossed it onto the platform. Cameron grabbed the torch and ran up to the puzzle. "Uh, guys, I'm too short!" "Well, who's gonna get it?" Heather asked. Jo rolled her eyes and pushed Lightning into the moat. The crabs immediately attacked him. Gwen ran into the moat, and picked up the final piece. "That's teamwork, Lightning!" Jo finished assembling the puzzle. "Throw the last piece!" "And the Heroic Hamsters win!" Chris announced. The Vultures gasped. The Hamsters were gathered on the platform. Mike carried Cameron as he placed the torch. "You could've put the piece on yourself, Mike." Cameron noted. "Consider it my apology." Mike chuckled. "I'm sorry for brushing you off earlier, it was wrong of me. Just sometimes, I feel that no one actually likes me for who I am. They're interested in my characters, I mean, personalities." "That's okay." Cameron said. "I have to admit. I was anxious to help you, because I felt bad for telling Scott of your condition last season. I never made it up to you. But, now, if you'll let me, I'm going to help you figure out how to get your personalities back." "That means a lot, Cam." Mike laughed. "Spa hotel! Spa hotel!" Lindsay and Courtney cheered. "Ahem ..." Chris said. "I do require a volunteer for exile duty." The Hamsters looked around sheepishly. Sam groaned from the sand. "This one's on me, guys. To make up for my lack of digging skills and – agghhh!" Chef grabbed Sam and placed him on the Boat of Losers. The engine revved and took him on his way to Boney Island. Zoey, Mike, Cameron, and Lindsay walked across the sand while the Vultures irritably followed. Gwen stood back with Duncan as Courtney caught up to the team. "Hey, Courtney!" Duncan shouted. Courtney scowled. "I bet you just can't wait to rub your victory in my face! Come on, you know you want to!" Courtney continued walking. "Courtney! Hey!' Gwen scowled at Duncan. "What?" He winked at her, but Gwen rolled her eyes and kept walking. "Gwen?" "Harsh." Chris said. "Somebody's invisible. TV couples: Is it ever a good idea?" Act III At the peanut gallery, Cameron, Mike, and Zoey sat in the front row while Lindsay and Courtney sat behind them. "Welcome, Hamsters," Chris said. "Sit back, enjoy the show." The Vultures frowned as they sat on the stumps. "Vultures, it's time for you to vote off your first villain." "Lightning cost us the challenge, but Heather and Jo are annoying." Duncan said. "Tough call." "I don't know who to vote for! They're all evil! And Duncan's obsession with getting Courtney to notice him isn't doing him any favors." Gwen said. Alejandro raised a picture of Lightning and crossed it with a marker. Heather raised a picture of Jo and scribbled all over it with her marker. Scott held up both pictures of Lightning and Jo and glanced uncertainly. Lightning raised a picture of Jo and stabbed at the picture with his marker. Jo smirked and crossed an X over Lightning’s portrait. Chris held the pictures in his hand while Chef stood nearby, holding the plate of marshmallows. "When I call your name, come up and get a marshmallow. The following players are safe for another day: Duncan, Gwen, Scott, Alejandro, and Heather." The five contestants got up and retrieved their marshmallows. Lightning and Jo glared at each other. "Lightning, you're on the chopping block for your crummy math skills and incessant bicep kissing." Chris said. "If they were yours, you'd do it too." Lightning raised his muscles. "Muah! Muah!" "And, Jo, you're on the block for your annoyingly pushy campaign to send Lightning home. And tonight's loser is ..." Chris said. Jo glared at Chris. Lightning kissed his muscles. Chris toss aside Heather’s picture. "Lightning." "Sha-what?!" Lightning shouted. Gwen, Duncan, Jo, Scott, Heather, and Alejandro gathered behind Chris on the Dock of Shame. Lightning floated in the Flush of Shame. "Tossing away your strongest team member? You're gonna regret this, 'specially you, Jo! You're a total sha-" Chris pushed a button on the remote. Lightning screamed as he swirled in the toilet and vanished. "Family show, people." Chris said. "Family show. Who else is in line for a porcelain goodbye? Find out next time on ... Total ... Drama ... All-Stars!" Exclusive clip Lightning held his breath as he floated out of a pipe and onto the surface. "Not cool." He spotted a mime performing on the streets. "What the?" Above him, Lightning noticed the Eiffel Tower. "The Eiffel Tower? Oh, I must be in Germany!" The mime pointed to the side with a panicked look on his face. "What's up, German clown?" The mime mimicked swimming. "You want me to show you my muscles? Stand back. Here comes the gun show. Sha –" A swan boat knocked Lightning into the river. On the boat, Bruno and Blaineley hugged each other lovingly, failing to notice Lightning as they dragged him away. The mime stopped. "Imbecile." He walked away. Category:A to Z Category:Total Drama All-Stars (Rewrite) transcripts